funny.

this made my day. probably inappropriate for work. or just be careful with the volume. there are some "swear words".

the new york hi-life.

spent the night at a swanky new york city restaurant (thank you new york publication that i cannot mention) with my friend "the reviewer". delicious. free. and yet challenging.
it's much more fun when you can sample the cuisine without feeling like you will be quoted the next day. it's kind of like a job. my most memorable quote, that i can remember: "dude, what is that? kind of looks like an idea for a david lynch film...but, i'll try it."

lessons of isolation. part 1

today i found myself having a conversation with myself (pro and con) regarding the merits of disposable pens. out loud.

anthro pro/con

although i have been known, on occasion, to anthropomorphize the animals in my life, i find it really disturbing to watch commercials that have talking animals, candies, cereal and fast food. i don't want to know that the dollar menu at mcdonald's have board meetings. i want to eat them, not think about what kind of snacks THEY might be eating...and don't even get me started on that talking dishwasher dispenser. gross.

feet.

one of my most hated words. and one of my most hated subjects.
mine are very pretty, but i have spent a life in HATE of feet. therefore, i have developed an addiction to shoes: expensive, hand-crafted boots, manolos, fancy french thick-soled numbers, vintage sneakers, gucci loafers, artisan slippers, etc...you name it, i got the pair. half of which, i've never worn.
i have just spent the weekend working a "podiatry trade show" at the marriott marquis in times square. picked up the gig from a friend who said it was a "pretty easy job" to make some money.
it was a horror show. i was surrounded by fungal toes, flat feet, orthodics, foot surgery...
it was my job to be there and be blonde, have big boobs, and smile and maybe bring in some new business for some mri center. i spent the weekend being groped, fondled, and the recipient of the worst come-ons and passes since ford was in office.
i now have two standing dates: peter luger's and bemonte's. i just felt too guilty to turn these old guys down. because they will be dead within the year anyway.

my favorite facebook posting

during the inauguration:
"what's mr. potter doing there?"
hat tip: rich maxwell.

i heart new york

like most people, i spent this inaugural morning wiping off an anatomically correct penis-snow-sculpture from my car windshield.

my favorite actor

right now is Richard Jenkins.
just terrific in everything i've seen him in.

marley and me

in the interest of the 12 step program, i must admit and apologize. i went to see it today. i read the book (i didn't pay for it...thank you brooklyn library) because my brother recommended it. i enjoyed the book because i lerve dogs. but i was not prepared for what happened today in the little suburban movie theater. maybe it was because i didn't get popcorn.
first of all, i apologize for tearing up at the opening credits. then i laughed and made all kinds of indiscernible sounds during the film. now i apologize to shindler's list for crying harder at the end of this film.
this is not a movie for children, most of whom were surrounding me. this is a movie about family and responsibility and the passage of time. and i didn't even hate jennifer anniston that much. i even started laughing in the middle of my weeping, because i was so self aware, and because the parents around me were trying to console and figure out how to un-traumatize their children. hilarious.
so, the worst marketing campaign ever for this film, but a must see for anyone who has loved a dog...

worst ofs. 2008 edition...part one.

1. worst book i read, in entirety: netherland
2. worst book i tried to read before throwing it across the room: when you are engulfed in flames
3. worst restaurant: fiore, williamsburg
4. worst bar: the one across from my house
5. worst movie i paid to see: sex and the shitty
6. worst movie i snuck into (and walked out of): W
7. worst netflix: be kind rewind, 1408, shortbus
8. worst cable alternative: snagfilms.com
9. worst food: still tarragon chicken
10. worst place to drink too many glasses of wine: 21 Club (see best of list)

best ofs. 2008 version...part one.

1. best book i read about an historical event i knew nothing about: The Given Day
2. best book i read about boogers: CRUST
3. best series of books i read written by a friend: Joe Pitt series and Hank Thompson series. (Shameless plug for new book here)
4. best restaurant: Salt, in baltimore's fells point area, serving the best duck fat fries i've ever eaten. a delicious way to stop your heart. (close second: walter foods)
5. best movie i paid to see in a movie theater: iron man. (a close second: rachel getting married)
6. best movie i snuck into: the diving bell.
7. best netflix: the foot fist way, bubble, joe strummer, the visitor, young at heart, the band's visit, planet earth, in bruges, the orphanage, the proposition, away from her, cool hand luke.
8. best cable alternative: hulu.com
9. best food: joe's sauce (close second: momofuku pork butt)
10. best place i vacationed: truro
11. best place i worked: baltimore
12. best korean spa to go to on a budget in nyc: juvenex.
13. best place to accidentally take home a man's cashmere overcoat: 21 Club
14. best birthday celebration: mine

wow. that sucks like christmas

this holiday (for me) is always so wrapped up in anxiety and longing. i long for the feelings, as a child, that this time of year always aroused in me. there are glimpses: white cotton balls of snow falling on freshly bought christmas presents. listening to charlie brown album while decorating the mantle with garland and pine cones. hanging the christmas/music box ball that was my mother's. hanging the beautiful and elaborate stocking she needle pointed for me.
but i always have this low grade anxiety throughout this time. as if my rockwell christmas will never be attained again.
but this year, my friend theknowall tuned me onto the the santa project at the new york city post office. she picked up a letter for me from a young girl from brooklyn. this was her letter:
"Dear Santa,
Hi! I'm X, I live with my mom and grandma. My mom works in a factory, so she can't buy no present. I'm 9 years old and in fourth grade, I'm a nice girl and student. I need cloth and shoes. My cloth size is L-14 and shoes 4. Please could you give me something. bye I hope you have a merry christmas and a happy newyear.
Sinserly
X"
So, i went out to buy "cloth" and toys and a gift certificate for shoes. wrapped them all and put in a big box which i delivered to the brooklyn post office yesterday, sent priority so it would get there by tuesday. then today i read this.

not sure what to think. except i guess i kind of thought that this sort of thing could possibly happen when i was wrapping the present. it just seems so ugly and so deeply sad. there are thousands of kids out there who sent a letter in good faith and will now be disappointed. i just started crying reading that article. i now realize that this holiday is not about achieving some kind of rockwell-ian mood. it is about giving. and loving.

i met this guy today

and by "met" i mean he walked into my doggy booth at grand central and touched some stuff.

how is it possible

that i never ate here.
i just watched "i like killing flies." i think kenny shopsin is my new hero.

secretions

"everything that man handles has a tendency to secrete meaning"
marcel duchamp.
so, i went to a book reading last week for the very talented molly mcnett. it was a revelation how great her book, "one dog happy" was. then i had to snooze through one of those award winning writers who reads his work as if he is chekhov, but i held out. shainberg came out and started reading. had no idea where he was going. midway thru his reading i remembered seeing the book in the library and pulling it out, only to put it back again. well, i picked it up again.
it is the best book about boogers ever written.
the inscription is to norman mailer.

i heart new york

on the subway today, i had a gentleman offer to f@#* me up the a##, AND suck my c#@*. he had the chivalry to make clucking noises through his proposal. tempting.

perspective

i'm not a huge fan, but this kinda puts things in perspective. hat tip to gw for the link.

i'm a little in love

with david mccullough. is that weird? don't judge me. this is his writing shed and he wears red suede pumas.

notes on a life

i have a hard time reading biographies and autobiographies. i always take them with a huge grain of sea salt. but seeing this book in the library and remembering how much i loved her documentary film on apocalypse now, i picked it up. yesterday. could not put it down. finished today, after many late hours of reading.
there is something so beautiful about her thoughts, written as if in a diary, which i suspect they were. big props to nan talese as an editor, i'm sure.
she is clearly the opposite of her husband. yet what made this so compelling was her realizations of life in a home dominated by such large personalities; a life that she would not have chosen, if it were not for marriage and children. her simple and exquisite realizations of family, responsibility, her waning creative voice, and grief are just perfectly tuned in this lovely memoir.
this is not a celebrity tell-all. it is a simple recollection of what it means to be a mother, a wife and an artist. in the background.

christmas eve.

i never win anything- lotto, raffles, cock fights, etc. you name it and i haven't won it. so i am loathe to make predictions. but win or lose today i feel part of something. i'm not deluded enough to think this is some second coming i've helped usher in. and i think the president elect is gonna be thrown into a shit storm. i agree and disagree with both candidates in how to deal with it. i've tried to remain balanced, especially toward the end of this historical and ugly election. but god if i haven't been tearing up every 20 minutes today...on my way to the polls, at the polls, watching a three minute clip of obama voting, watching him eulogize his grandmother, reading election voter updates on sully's blog...it's that elusive christmas eve feeling, the one that comes around midnight and makes you forget all the ugly shit you've had to go through to arrive at this night. christmas day always sucks, but christmas eve, oh how lovely.