the memorial

i'm embarrassed to say that while i was in midtown i ducked into chevy's to watch the mj memorial service. it seemed kind of fitting to be in a grotesquely designed tourist trap to watch this spectacle. and what's not to love about a $16 dollar plate of nachos?

now, having been to my fair share of funerals (i have a well stocked closet full of black dresses), i would like to offer my critique of today's festivities.

things not to do at a funeral/memorial service:
1. you are not allowed to chew gum at your dad's funeral.
2. if you are the father of the deceased, you should take your damn hat off, asshole.
3. sunglasses are not acceptable inside darkly lit auditoriums.
4. don't fake cry. it's totally embarrassing. and you will go to hell.
5. you are not allowed to pose for pictures, red-carpet style, before the service.
6. you cannot make claims that are not true (see al sharpton's line about Live-Aid).
7. back up singers are not to be used as a substitute for the deceased's performance.
8. if you are going to go on stage and sing the lyrics to the deceased's songs, know the fucking words.