Friday, December 19, 2008

wow. that sucks like christmas

this holiday (for me) is always so wrapped up in anxiety and longing. i long for the feelings, as a child, that this time of year always aroused in me. there are glimpses: white cotton balls of snow falling on freshly bought christmas presents. listening to charlie brown album while decorating the mantle with garland and pine cones. hanging the christmas/music box ball that was my mother's. hanging the beautiful and elaborate stocking she needle pointed for me.
but i always have this low grade anxiety throughout this time. as if my rockwell christmas will never be attained again.
but this year, my friend theknowall tuned me onto the the santa project at the new york city post office. she picked up a letter for me from a young girl from brooklyn. this was her letter:
"Dear Santa,
Hi! I'm X, I live with my mom and grandma. My mom works in a factory, so she can't buy no present. I'm 9 years old and in fourth grade, I'm a nice girl and student. I need cloth and shoes. My cloth size is L-14 and shoes 4. Please could you give me something. bye I hope you have a merry christmas and a happy newyear.
So, i went out to buy "cloth" and toys and a gift certificate for shoes. wrapped them all and put in a big box which i delivered to the brooklyn post office yesterday, sent priority so it would get there by tuesday. then today i read this.

not sure what to think. except i guess i kind of thought that this sort of thing could possibly happen when i was wrapping the present. it just seems so ugly and so deeply sad. there are thousands of kids out there who sent a letter in good faith and will now be disappointed. i just started crying reading that article. i now realize that this holiday is not about achieving some kind of rockwell-ian mood. it is about giving. and loving.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

i met this guy today

and by "met" i mean he walked into my doggy booth at grand central and touched some stuff.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

how is it possible

that i never ate here.
i just watched "i like killing flies." i think kenny shopsin is my new hero.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


"everything that man handles has a tendency to secrete meaning"
marcel duchamp.
so, i went to a book reading last week for the very talented molly mcnett. it was a revelation how great her book, "one dog happy" was. then i had to snooze through one of those award winning writers who reads his work as if he is chekhov, but i held out. shainberg came out and started reading. had no idea where he was going. midway thru his reading i remembered seeing the book in the library and pulling it out, only to put it back again. well, i picked it up again.
it is the best book about boogers ever written.
the inscription is to norman mailer.

i heart new york

on the subway today, i had a gentleman offer to f@#* me up the a##, AND suck my c#@*. he had the chivalry to make clucking noises through his proposal. tempting.


i'm not a huge fan, but this kinda puts things in perspective. hat tip to gw for the link.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

i'm a little in love

with david mccullough. is that weird? don't judge me. this is his writing shed and he wears red suede pumas.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

notes on a life

i have a hard time reading biographies and autobiographies. i always take them with a huge grain of sea salt. but seeing this book in the library and remembering how much i loved her documentary film on apocalypse now, i picked it up. yesterday. could not put it down. finished today, after many late hours of reading.
there is something so beautiful about her thoughts, written as if in a diary, which i suspect they were. big props to nan talese as an editor, i'm sure.
she is clearly the opposite of her husband. yet what made this so compelling was her realizations of life in a home dominated by such large personalities; a life that she would not have chosen, if it were not for marriage and children. her simple and exquisite realizations of family, responsibility, her waning creative voice, and grief are just perfectly tuned in this lovely memoir.
this is not a celebrity tell-all. it is a simple recollection of what it means to be a mother, a wife and an artist. in the background.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

christmas eve.

i never win anything- lotto, raffles, cock fights, etc. you name it and i haven't won it. so i am loathe to make predictions. but win or lose today i feel part of something. i'm not deluded enough to think this is some second coming i've helped usher in. and i think the president elect is gonna be thrown into a shit storm. i agree and disagree with both candidates in how to deal with it. i've tried to remain balanced, especially toward the end of this historical and ugly election. but god if i haven't been tearing up every 20 minutes today...on my way to the polls, at the polls, watching a three minute clip of obama voting, watching him eulogize his grandmother, reading election voter updates on sully's's that elusive christmas eve feeling, the one that comes around midnight and makes you forget all the ugly shit you've had to go through to arrive at this night. christmas day always sucks, but christmas eve, oh how lovely.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

i'm not mad...

watched the obama "special" tonight.
isn't there something better he can be spending his money on? i mean, who else but me is tuned into network television? (i don't have cable...suck it time warner!)
i found this vacuous infommercial boring and trite at best.
who does this campaign think they are going to win over? i learned nothing new. it was filled with vague talking points, sappy "real" story lines and what i hated most, the soundtrack. they could have done better.
i imagine he will get crucified tomorrow on the blogs...and fox news.
i sat thru most of W. today, but walked out 3/4 of the way through. i have only done this once before. that movie was JFK. total garbage.
i don't like hallmark movies, i don't like propaganda (oliver stone) and i don't like soundtracks telling me what to think.
as my x used to say in the appropriate passive-aggressive manner, "i'm not mad, i'm just disappointed."

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


although i usually go through a bit of anxiety and depression once the temperature and leaves start to change, (due to too many years of back-to-school blues) i can't argue with the beauty that is fall. there is something about the light that just cuts right through me. plus i get presents.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

it was only a matter of time

before i got this in my inbox:

More proof that Obama IS a Muslim and he is getting his
> > financing from the Middle East!
> >
> >
> > Please read this Obama info... Very enlightening
> >
> >
> > This is a must read for all Americans. The person who wrote
> > this really did their homework. Too bad the mainstream media
> > won't do that for us. This is not a political slant, but
> > a REAL person doing research on an individual who may soon
> > be in charge of our country. Just read it and make your own
> > decisions.
> >
> > This election has me very worried. So many things to
> > consider. About a year ago I would have voted for Obama. I
> > have changed my mind three times since then. I watch all the
> > news channels, jumping from one to another. I must say this
> > drives my husband crazy. But, I feel if you view MSNBC, CNN,
> > and Fox News, you might get some middle ground to work with.
> > About six months ago, I started thinking 'where did the
> > money come from for Obama'. I have four daughters who
> > went to College, and we were middle class, and money was
> > tight. We (including my girls) worked hard and there were
> > lots of student loans.
> >
> > I started looking into Barack Hussein Obama's life.
> > Around 1979 Obama started college at Occidental in
> > California. He is very open about his two years at
> > Occidental, he tried all kinds of drugs and was wasting his
> > time, but even though he had a brilliant mind, did not apply
> > himself to his studies. 'Barry' (that was the name
> > he used all his life) during this time had two roommates,
> > Muhammad Hasan Chandoo and Wahid Hamid, both from Pakistan.
> > During the summer of 1981, after his second year in college,
> > he made a 'round the world' trip. Stopping to see
> > his mother in Indonesia, next Hyderabad in India, three
> > weeks in Karachi, Pakistan where he stayed with his
> > roommate's family, then off to Africa to visit his
> > father's family. My question - Where did he get the
> > money for this trip? Neither I, nor any one of my children,
> > would have had money for a trip like this when they where in
> > college. When he20came back, he started school at Columbia
> > University in New York. It is at this time he wants everyone
> > to call him Barack - not Barry. The name Barack is sometimes
> > spelled Baraq, and Baraq is the name of the winged horse of
> > Mohammed by which Islam is to fill the world. Do you know
> > what the tuition is at Columbia? It's not cheap to say
> > the least! Where did he get money for tuition? Student
> > Loans? Maybe. After Columbia, he went to Chicago to work as
> > a Community Organizer for $12,000 a year. Why Chicago? Why
> > not New York? He was already living in New York.
> >
> > By 'chance' he met Antoin 'Tony' Rezko,
> > born in Aleppo Syria, and a real estate developer in
> > Chicago. Rezko has been convicted of fraud and bribery this
> > year. Rezko, was named 'Entrepreneur of the Decade'
> > by the Arab-American Business and Professional
> > Association'. About two years later, Obama entered
> > Harvard Law School. Do you have any idea what tuition is for
> > Harvard Law School? Where did he get the money for Law
> > School? More student loans? After Law school, he went back
> > to Chicago. Rezko offered him a job, which he turned down.
> > But, he did take a job with Davis, Miner, Barnhill &
> > Galland. Guess what? They represented 'Rezar' which
> > is Rezko's firm. Rezko was one of Obama's first
> > major financial contributors when he ran for office in
> ; > Chicago. In 2003, Rezko threw an early fundraiser for Obama
> > which Chicago Tribune reporter David Mendelland claims was
> > instrumental in providing Obama with 'seed money'
> > for his U. S. Senate race. In 2005, Obama purchased a new
> > home in the Kenwooo d District of Chicago for $1.65 million
> > (less than asking price). With ALL those Student Loans -
> > Where did he get the money for the property? On the same
> > day; Rezko's wife, Rita, purchased the adjoining empty
> > lot for full price. The London Times reported that Nadhmi
> > Auchi, an Iraqi-born Billionaire loaned Rezko $3.5 million
> > three weeks before Obama's new home was purchased. Obama
> > met Nadhmi Auchi many times with Rezko.
> >
> > Now, we have Obama running for President. Valerie Jarrett,
> > was Michele Obama's boss. She is now Obama's chief
> > advisor and he does not make any major decisions without
> > talking to her first. Where was Jarrett born? Ready for
> > this? Shiraz, Iran! Do we see a pattern here? Or am I going
> > crazy?
> >
> > On May 10, 2008 The Times reported, Robert Malley, advisor
> > to Obama, was 'sacked' after the press found out he
> > was having regular contacts with 'Hamas', which
> > controls Gaza and is connected with Iran. This past week,
> > buried in the=2 0back part of the papers, Iraqi newspapers
> > reported that during Obama's visit to Iraq, he asked
> > their leaders to do nothing about the war until after he is
> > elected, and he will 'Take care of things'.
> >
> > Oh, and by the way, remember the college roommates that
> > where born in Pakistan? They are in charge of all those
> > 'small' Internet campaign contributions for Obama.
> > Where is that money coming from? The poor and middle class
> > in this country? Or could it be from the Middle East?
> >
> > And the final bit of news. On September 7, 2008, The
> > Washington Times posted a verbal slip that was made on
> > 'This Week' with George Stephanapoulos. Obama on
> > talking about his religion said, 'My Muslim faith'.
> > When questioned, 'he made a mistake'. Some mistake!
> >
> > All of the above information I got on line. If you would
> > like to check it - Wikipedia encyclopedia, Barack Obama;
> > Tony Rezko; Valerie Jarrett: Daily Times - Obama visited
> > Pakistan in 1981; The Washington Times - September 7, 2008;
> > The Times May 10, 2008.
> >
> > Now the BIG question - If I found out all this information
> > on my own, Why haven't all of our 'intelligent'
> > members of the press been reporting this?
> >
> > A phrase that keeps ringing in my ear - 'Beware of the
> > enemy from within'!!!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Friday, October 10, 2008

Thursday, October 2, 2008

vp debate zagat review

this new upstart has raised alot of debate: competing dishes, competing chefs, competing culinary schools and menus. we were looking forward to visiting this place for many weeks. after much turmoil over the perspective cuisine in the past few weeks we could not wait to imbibe.
hear are our thoughts:
first to arrive was an eastern shore crab, appropriately seasoned and worth the wait. this crab has, on occasion, been known to be tasty, seasoned, populist and a total douche. tonight, however, this dish was exactly what we had hoped it would be...a charming meal. it was at sometimes lacking the flavor we had hoped for yet, at the same time, a model dish. it should have stood up for its flavor and its chef more as a whole, considering its experience in the field. it was not everything his executive chef could hope for.
next up on the menu was the alaskan king crab leg. in our past tastings this dish has been frozen, store-bought and inconceivable as a vice president. it is amazing what a kitchen can do. not only was this dish tasty, it packed a punch...a glaring misstep from its detractors. although we would not eat this dish on a regular basis and cannot afford to have it in our executive branch, we have to say, begrudgingly, she delivered. but we are pretty sure that this dish, no matter how rich it appears to be on first bite, gives us the runz.

Sunday, September 28, 2008


i, like many of you, watched tina fey's genius impersonation last night on snl. if you haven't seen it, please catch it on or
what i hadn't realized was that much of it was verbatim of the actual interview with couric.

here it is verbatim from cbs news:

COURIC: Why isn't it better, Governor Palin, to spend $700 billion helping middle-class families who are struggling with health care, housing, gas and groceries; allow them to spend more and put more money into the economy instead of helping these big financial institutions that played a role in creating this mess?

PALIN: That's why I say I, like every American I'm speaking with, were ill about this position that we have been put in where it is the taxpayers looking to bail out. But ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health-care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy, helping the—it's got to be all about job creation, too, shoring up our economy and putting it back on the right track. So health-care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions and tax relief for Americans. And trade, we've got to see trade as opportunity, not as a competitive, scary thing. But one in five jobs being created in the trade sector today, we've got to look at that as more opportunity. All those things under the umbrella of job creation. This bailout is a part of that.

wow. it kind of sounds like me after a few hendricks martinis.

Saturday, September 27, 2008


the world just became a little less beautiful.
a class act

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


so, in the three minutes that i watched dancing with the stars, she tried to bribe the judges, called one of them a bitch and insulted another, cause he wasn't speaking english. and i'm pretty sure she said "fuck that" when her scores were shown.
it's on.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


am i the only voter out there who cares about the pronunciation of the country that we are at war with (currently), the country we are about to be at war with, and the country that we used to like but may, at some point, be at war with eventually?
cause this is how it stands with the mccain camp (and most of america):
1. EYE-rack.
2. EYE-ran.
3. PACK-eee-stan.
at least obama knows how to pronounce them. is that the first line of diplomacy?
the second, of course, is... where is the bathroom? that weird middle eastern food went right thru me....

world's biggest douche

karma is a bitch.
oh, and ps. he is a lawyer.

Friday, September 12, 2008

tee hee

from huff post reader:

Since Palin has foreign policy experience due to being able to see Russia from an Alaskan island it makes me wonder if she has had diplomatic talks with Santa Clause being so close to the North Pole.

words i like better than "outraged"

i've really begun to hate this word. everyone i know and don't know seems to be using it these days. although i share their sentiment, i think it's time to check my handy thesaurus and try to help:
1. umbrageous.
2. mortacorpuscled.
3. tipple-miffed.
4. snaggle-tooth-tiggerred
6. perstinkaterd.
7. omfgaufs. (ohmyfuckinggodareuserious)
8. wrangletastic.
9. disembowelled.

ok, that last one i kind of made up, but it's that feeling you get after a few pints, right before you start to feel outraged and your friends have to pull you out of the bar kicking and screaming.

suck it merriam-webster.

Thursday, September 4, 2008


anyone notice that the "baby-daddy" last night was chewing gum for the big family finale? don't the republicans have wranglers for that kind of thing? can't someone hold his gum for him while he waves, proudly holding (gripping) the hand of his meal ticket?
his parents should be ashamed. he should be grounded.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

why girlz like vampires

i have just read 5 books in the last two weeks about vampires. 3 totally tasty, short and nasty books by charlie huston, and 2 really long books that awakened the v.c. andrews in me (aka twilight, etc).
so here are my thoughts. apologies to the authors for my crude musings.

1. girls like boyz who might, at one point, suck their blood.
2. vampires are always thin.
3. they never get older.
4. they are usually wracked with guilt.
5. they are teases.
6. they are usually way older, even tho they don't look it.
7. they come with really complicated "baggage."
8. they try "really hard" to be polite.
9. they are usually snarky. yet so WISE.
10. they could kill you. if they wanted to. but, usually, they don't. who actually created the vampire myth? bram stoker or helen gurley brown? or more importantly, is helen gurley brown the oldest living-dead lady vampyre?
dude. look at her. terrifying.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

DNC zagat review

(1-5 starz)
overall, the evening could be described as a yawn, a burp, a nap and a final cherry on top. 2 starz for overall service and presentation. i was very hungry when i went in and left only half full. there were, however, highlights to this lackluster meal. the best choice on the menu was dessert. wrapped in a ravishing pistachio sheath, and tasty beyond belief, this final winner saved the evening. nice presentation, solid and filling. not the best dish i've ever had, but made me want to come back.

a repeated trip to taste the samplings left me feeling better about this new scrappy upstart. luckily i was able to sample the offerings of the fresh delicacies from massachusetts. refreshing, well bodied and sentient. i think this dish has real possibilities. looking forward to see what becomes of this one when given it's proper due. fresh not frozen. 4 starz.
my second course was a thick, juicy montana steak. everything you could want from a good piece of meat. the presentation was big, the taste was big, the cut was big. couldn't finish it, so took home a doggy bag of that big ol' crazazy. 4 starz.
again, dessert ruled this meal. at first glance this looked like a tangerine parfait. beautiful to look at, but probably not going to be very filling. my fellow diners were ecstatic with the presentation, so i eagerly awaited my first bite. it did not disappoint. normally, parfaits are not to my liking. i find them frothy, self-congratulatory and strident. but this dessert lived up to its hype. from the first bite this dish left me feeling excited, moved and i wanted more. an utterly beautiful, powerful and uplifting finish to a very good meal. 5 starz.

why i love the cod. part 2.

1. rum floaters.
2. mildewy cottages with 864 different types of tea cups.
3. marine specialty store in p-town.
4. cooking a whole salmon in a beach bonfire.
4.a. hobo dinners
5. ocean, bay, pond and pool. infinite choices to get wet. (but not in like a dirty way.)
6. friends i love.
7. outdoor showers.
8. a roaring fire in the fireplace on a chilly august night.
9. chipmunks caught in a birdfeeder.
10. waking up at 5:45 to see the sunrise from the deck.
11. staying up til 9:45 to watch the red moon rise from the deck.
12. joe's sauce.
13. ice cream from that place in truro.
14. going to the drive-in for the first time in 20 years.
15. reading 4 plus books.
16. no tv. no computer. and barely a phone.
17. walking through fields in barnstable.
18. remembering why i am so blessed.

why i love the cod. part 1.

Monday, August 11, 2008

acting 101

this is stoopid. but i like it. must have volume on. wait for it...

Friday, August 8, 2008


OK. here's the deal. i liked edwards. would have voted for him for pres. i don't have a problem with people making mistakes. what i hate are liars. and what i hate more is a qualifying liar whose wife is dying of cancer:

per ABC news:

Edwards said he told his wife, Elizabeth, and others in his family about the affair in 2006.

"She was mad, she was angry, I think furious would be a good way to describe it," Edwards said.
Edwards made a point of telling Woodruff that his wife's cancer was in remission when he began the affair with Hunter. Elizabeth Edwards has since been diagnosed with an incurable form of the disease."

really? well, then i guess it makes it more palatable that she was in remission. hmmm, as long as she had her hair back, wasn't puking in a bucket while being poisoned by chemo to try to save her life, i guess that makes it ok. he must have been going through a really hard time.

fuck you, you sorry piece of shit.

suck it nazis and leni riefenstahl

zhang yimou just kicked your sorry aryan ass. thank you also cai guo giang for blowing shit up. the most amazing opening ceremony i have EVER scene.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

the best tv show ever

other than the wire.
planet earth.
the sir david attenborough version.
mother of christ. it's kinda too much. way better than nova.

Monday, August 4, 2008

proustian moment

he had his cookie. i have this
i just removed my fixed retainer after flossing and one side became unglued. this retainer was implanted when i was in seventh grade. been told by every dentist to have it removed, but since i don't have "dental" it just seemed too costly. the only thing holding my bottom teeth together now is tartar and regret.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

words i hate part 1

1. clam
2. whimsical
3. in a sense (when used all together)
4. perfunctory
5. endive (cause i never know how to pronounce it)
6. worm
7. herb (when pronounced with an H)
8. myriad (cause no one uses it correctly, they always say "of" after)
9. pithy
10. chicanery

if these were used like this i would burn my nipples off:

i hate to be so pithy, but in a sense, i felt like a worm. perhaps it was a bit of chicanery on my part when i created this whimsical recipe of endive and clam salad but it just seemed so perfunctory when i looked at the myriad of herbs staring at me.

please feel free to send your hateful word connections to me. i promise nothing will be burned.

beach etiquette

when one arrives to the beach, without question, one parks far away from this.
so, why is it that every time i go to the beach alone they park their sorry screaming asses 16 centimeters from me????
maybe it's because i'm topless.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

double feature review

thanks to the lax/we could give a shit staff, it's pretty easy to catch a few movies at the 34th street cineplex.
ps. spoiler alert.

1. wall-e:
totally was digging the first part of the movie. i really love big city ghost town movies. at the beginning. then everything always falls to shit. kept thinking this is a movie for adults. what kid would dig watching man's detritus and hello dolly on vhs? as soon as the e.t. lookin robot and his lady speedstick robot (although she also kind of looked like a travel size vibrator) moved up to the "big ship" it became a boring, trite treatise on man's insatiable consumption. but worse than that, it looked like an episode of jimmy neutron. it could have been that i was a bit perturbed by the guy sitting behind me who was either jerking off or kicking my seat repeatedly. rather than giving him the satisfaction of acknowledging him, i moved my seat halfway thru. i really showed him.
anyway, after we have seen the devastation on earth, the toxic dust clouds and storms, the lack of any moving water, except maybe toxic rain, the writer has all the fat jimmy neutrons, who by the way have lost their bone mass, fly back to earth. i'd be like, listen yo, can't we just get some calcium and an exercise bike on this ship?

2. batman deux.
ums, ok. was kind of looking forward to this one. and after my very easy transition into said movie, was settled in for some good old fashioned "blow that shit up."
well the "dark night" is a good moniker, for it looks like it was lit by a mag lite that's juice is running low. and what is it with the batman's voice? does batman have throat cancer? shouldn't he see someone about that? i mean, he's batman, he's gotta have insurance.
also, i have a hard time watching "the sad cartoon turtle"/maggie gyllenhaal since secretary. it's like watching paint dry. with bad posture.
the bloviated story line of anarchy/terrorism/fear mongering/invasion of civil rights felt like an episode of frontline.
don't get me wrong, lots of stuff got blowed up. but it just wasn't that much fun.
i'm all for dark, twisted storylines. but this was so convoluted that i could barely follow it. the best part of the movie was when the batcycle did a 180 at a wall.
ok, so now is the part where i'm supposed to say how fantastic heath ledger was. well, he was. mr. ledger was a gifted, smart, extremely talented actor. he shows his chops in this movie and he is the best thing in it.(except for that batcycle bit.) but i don't understand all the reviews that extol him for going "so dark." freddy krueger was dark. that dude from saw was dark. that spanish dude in pan's labyrinth was dark. they are all great performances. i think mr. ledger was doing his job well. and i think he should be remembered, albeit posthumously, for that. it is a shame that this movie left him, literally, hung out to dry.

suck it pbs' john adams

i know i've sent this to many of you. but i would like it to reach the masses. the reenactments are the best part.
hat tip to emma for sending it my way.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

mia review

so, to escape the heat e and i went to the atlas park mall to check it out. you could not pay me to stay away from this movie. been jonzed for weeks. i lerve meryl. and i lerve mr. darcy. (you pride and prej and b.j.d. fanz know what i'm talkin'bout)
so here are my thoughts:
1. it was directed by a third grader.
2. the daughter is 20. so, that means roughly born in 1988. what up with the 70's popstar outfits? and i'm pretty sure all the "adults" are late 50's+.
3. don't sit in handicapped seats to a sold out movie. the trailers are way tense when you're waiting to get thrown out by granny and a cane. (we ended up sitting on the floor)
4. the first third of movie is cringe-worthy. it's like watching/hearing your parents fart at your high school graduation. really loudly.
5. totally grew on me after james bond started singing dreadfully. then fell in love with it.
6. mr. darcy is a gay.
7. i will never be able to watch breaking the waves again.
8. everyone made an ass out of themselves. but they did it without looking miserable. except christine baranski.
9. cried. and cried some more.
10. great to see an actress who can't really sing, emote so beautifully in "the winner takes it all." she got all meryl on my ass.
11. the ending was genius. everyone was singing in the audience. even granny with the cane.

my fav new post.


Saturday, July 19, 2008

more free stuff

you've heard me rave about the folks at now check out
tons of free documentaries. could be awesome!
who needs cable? not me.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

does health insurance cover machete attacks?

welcome to my neighborhood. won't you be my neighbor?

mad wo(men)

for those of you who enjoy "mad men", here is the original female version. HOT!
cigarettes and cocktails for dayz. hats, gloves, and improbably cinched waists. suicide and miscarriages. joan crawford in a performance so soaked with vodka you can smell her thru the screen. hope lang, minus the professor. louis jordan, for christ's sake.
what else can i say, it has the best of everything.

you can check it out free on

Monday, July 7, 2008

why i don't give out my number. vol. 1

ok. dimitri is real. he's canadian and i listened to a radio program with him. and he is a douche.
but very entertaining.
this is an audio clip. stick with it til the end.


an oldie but a greatie. can't stop listening to this monumental album...

Sunday, July 6, 2008

new name?

why are these called "kitty litter stations"? can't we just call them "crap shacks"?


i loved this article in today's times.
i once bought a very expensive bike lock there and while i was waiting in line i found a 20 dollar bill stuck in the mishmash at the checkout counter. it might not have been considered art, but it was genius.

the end. of an era.

i love to throw parties. spend weeks preparing.
had my annual 4th of july party. knew that the view from the roof would not be as great as it has been over the last few years due to construction on union. still, i thought we would have a great vantage point for optimal fireworks viewing.
after an early set up in the afternoon to set up table, etc. on the roof, i went down to prepare the evenings nourishments and put my face on. cut to 6 pm trip to roof to set up flag tablecloth, candles, chairs, etc... find door bolted and padlocked. party to start in one hour. what does a gracious party hostess do after she has planned this for weeks? anxiety attack. after many attempts to get lock off (thanks SL!) and several vodka tonics later, found a way to get roof access around the other corner entrance to building. all guests were good sports. fireworks ensued. yet, hostess was gripped by sadness and loss of times gone by. yes, change is good. all part of life and that shit. but even the fireworks were disappointing. think that's it for roof parties. thank god for a junior miss tape (thanks em!) and blueberry pie (thanks jw!).

Monday, June 30, 2008

q/a received today.

"Welcome to the 2008 edition of getting to know your Friends. Change
> all the answers so they apply to you, and then send this to your
> friends
> including the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will
> learn a lot of little things about your friends that you might
> not have
> known!"

(please note some answers have been changed to protect my anonymity.)
> 1. What time did you get up this morning? i'm still in bed
> 2. Diamonds or pearls? pearls
> 3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? sex and the shitty
> 4. What is your favorite TV show? the wire
> 5. What do you usually have for breakfast? vodka
> 6. What is your middle name? alice
> 7. What food do you dislike? tarragon chicken
> 8. What is your favorite CD at moment? who listens to cds anymore, asshole.
> 9. What kind of car do you drive? lezbaru
> 10. Favorite sandwich? blt
> 11. What characteristic do you despise? fat people
> 12. Favorite item of clothing? my adidas sneakers
> 13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where
> would you
> go? bali
> 14. Favorite brand of clothing? diane von furstenburg
> 15. Where would you retire to? new york city
> 16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? i'm usually too drunk to remember my birthday
> 17. Favorite sport to watch? competitive figure skating
> 18. Furthest place you are sending this? la
> 19. Person you expect to send it back first? you
> 20. When is your birthday? october 16
> 21. Are you a morning person or a night person? night
> 22. What is your shoe size? 6 1/2
> 23. Pets? armin mueller stahl
> 24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? i i'm tan
> 25. What did you want to be when you were little? a groupie
> 26. How are you today? general malaise
> 27. What is your favorite candy? jelly bellies and swedish fish
> 28. What is your favorite flower? lilacs and lily of the valley
> 29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? 4th of!
> 30. What is your full name? xxx
> 31. What are you listening to right now? fan
> 32. What was the last thing you ate? a cherry
> 33. Do you wish on stars? absolutely
> 34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? burnt sienna
> 35. What is the weather right now? grey and muggy
> 36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today? no one
> 37. Favorite soft drink? orangina
> 38. Favorite restaurant? blue ribbon
> 39. Real hair color? brown
> 40. What was your favorite toy as a child? barbie's slutty sister
> 41. Summer or winter? spring
> 42. Hugs or kisses? depends who's giving them
> 43. Chocolate or Vanilla? Ice cream? Vanilla
> 44. Coffee or tea? coffee
> 45. Do you want your friends to email you back? sure
> 46. When was the last time you cried? two days ago on subway
> 47. What is under your bed? slippers, an extension cord, boxes of photos, boxes of shoes, shoes without boxes, shoes in a bag, art, wall sconces
> 48. What did you do last night? drank beer at a bowling alley and helped gary with his lines
> 49. What are you afraid of? breast cancer. appearing stupid.
> 50. Salty or sweet? Salty
> 51. How many keys on your key ring? 5
> 52. How many years at your current job? that's funny.
> 53. Favorite day of the week? Friday
> 54. How many towns have you lived in? 4ish.
> 55. Do you make friends easily? yes
> 57. How many will respond? lots. people lerve me.

Sunday, June 29, 2008


i found this most interesting. amazing how many writers can only write with paper and pen...

remembrance of things past

i spent much of the day polishing silver. it was one of the most satisfying experiences i've had in a long time. granted, it is/was my mother's silver. bowls, cigarette boxes, wine holders, candlesticks, my baby cup. i would have pulled out the flatware too, but couldn't reach the box in the closet. and with every stroke and bit of polish a little bit of my mother came out. remembrances of where, with care, she placed them in the family home. remembrances of how they were used on special occasions. dinner parties, holidays, weddings, baptisms. as they began to shine so did the remembrance of her.

top girls

went to see top girls tonight at mtc. thanks t for the tickets!
i'm still trying to figure out how i feel about it, which is usually a good sign because clearly it has stayed with me. it is complex, infuriating and polemical at times, incomprehensible at others. so, i think i really loved it. the play, that is. there are some genius performances. mary beth hurt should be given an award for the most delicious performance in the shortest scene ever played by one of america's greatest actresses. truly subtle, understated and heartbreaking. exit applause. elizabeth marvel created a character that is at once reprehensible and yet achingly endearing, all the while dressed in the greatest and most unflattering 80's attire. the costume design was astounding.
the last act is a masterful piece of writing. family recrimination, sisterly rivalry, 80's politics, or more specifically thatcherism and reaganism, are dissected and eviscerated. yet the sin is that marisa tomei is way out of her league or at least her comfort zone. i think ms. tomei is a talented actress. but not as a dowdy suffolk working class mom. however, i do give her props for sporting fanny padding and mom jeans. it was like watching a child who has been raised by wolves. she knows how to ride with the pack, yet doesn't know how to kill with her teeth.
all in all, it is a GREAT play. and for me, that means it made me think.

Thursday, June 26, 2008


but i think this is hi-larious. warning, may be disturbing to parents with small children.

i lerve him

one of the reasons i think he is the funniest man/child on tv.

guilty as charged

just one of my neuroses


i find this extremely disturbing, and yet strangely beautiful. freud, anyone?

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

addendum to sex and the shitty....

yet, i find Rescue Me, which is arguably the most misogynistic show on television/cable, really compelling.

Monday, June 23, 2008

sex and

yeah, not so much else i can say. maybe because i was hormonal, i really liked the first 45 minutes. and then i found it was the most fatuous, bloated painted turd. and then i really got angry. on every account it was hateful toward women. clearly written by a gay man. i would have rather burned my nipples off than sit through the last hour of that manipulative, misogynistic piece of crap, were it not for my 5 dollar bag of popcorn. which was delicious.
i cannot even watch the tv show on free cable anymore. it makes me throw up a little in my mouth. curiously, it tastes like popcorn....

Thursday, June 19, 2008

cyd charisse (1921-2008)

a great article on one the great dames of dance who died this week. legz for dayz.
money quote:

"Late one night on television, I caught Astaire and Charisse doing “Dancing in the Dark” from The Band Wagon. As I watched the two of them dance with each other, I suddenly felt, with total certainty, that life can’t possibly be completely meaningless, not if something like Fred Astaire and Cyd Charisse dancing together was created and still exists. That must mean something, I thought."

this is what happens if you let baby out of the corner

this is the writer and "creator" and producer of the painted turd soon to be seen on stages all over the u.s.
things took a bad turn yesterday when this idiotic shrew began directing an aspiring young black singer. apparently there is a rousing rendition of "we shall overcome" in the show led, of course, by the plucky young black waitress. she asked the young woman if she was familiar with "the civil rights movement." she then began to explain "the black experience" to said actress.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

st. eligius

is it me, or was this the best hospital show ever? except, of course, the final dream sequence episode. been watching on the it is genius. pilot episode had de-doo doo de and thunder road. i forgot that all females (including me) in the eighties weighed less than 100 pounds (thanks coke!) and that no matter how old you were, you always looked like you were in your late 30's. except for the old dudes.
now i remember why i had such a crush on david morse.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

nobody puts baby in a corner

but they can surround her with really gay chorus boyz.

working this week as a reader for the national tour of dirty dancing (the musical?). HI-larious. Not only did i get to sit through a dance call surrounded by the tightest asses i have ever seen (some wearing ill-fitting dance belts) but then i got to read with a few johnnies. try doing the following scene with a guy who looks like nadia comaneci and sounds like paul lynde:

BABY Have you had many women?
BABY Have you had many women?
JOHNNY Baby, come on.
BABY Tell me. I want to know.
JOHNNY No, no... (JOHNNY begins to pace around, trying to put into words things he’s never said before.) You gotta understand what it’s like, Baby. You come from the streets and suddenly you’re up here and these women...they’re throwin’ themselves at you...and they smell so good...and they really take care of themselves. I mean, I never knew women could be like that, you know? and they’re so rich, so goddamn rich. You think they must know about everythin’...

(BABY is trying to understand--hates this.)
...and they’re slippin’ their room keys in my hands, two and three times a day, different, here I think I’m scorin’ big, right? For a while you think, hey, they wouldn’t do this if they didn’t care about me, right?....

oh, this shit is sooooo good. tomorrow they sing. i'm in heaven. although i've chewed off the inside of my mouth trying not to laugh.

Monday, June 16, 2008


this kid is a class act. much like his father.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

short story

he says i don't listen. he speaks too quietly. does he want me to get closer to hear him? i have tried. but then i smell his breath. i can't focus on his voice. i smell smoke and regret.


$70 for body moisturizer. worth it. makes me feel pretty.

Friday, June 6, 2008

fashion choices.

so for the most part i dress like a 13 year old boy. usually it's like some boy that went to groton or choate. in 1978. crumpled men's shirts. well-worn jeans or khakis. old school adidas sneakers. when i do dress up i do it up right. believe me, i own some beautiful manolos. but i've decided i feel sexiest when i'm wearing what i think is most sexy on a man. saw a man tonight dressed like me and all i could think of was how sexy i would look in his shirt in the morning. of course i would then steal it. sticky fingers, as my friend g would say....

i been hypnotized.

and it don't work. smoked again. hate myself. feel tightening and numbing in my left arm. heart disease? luckily that is not in my family. (i.e. the cancer family.) went running and thought i would cough up a diseased lung. kind of hoped i would. think of the weight i would lose.
i'm done with this addiction. especially now that it costs $37 bucks for a pack of cancer sticks. it's gross. no one does it anymore. i feel like an anomaly. i'm just too pretty for this. and the end.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

the blacks

funny how depression can spring up on you. spent a beautiful wknd with family and a friend at beach house. woke this morning with such dread. could barely make it out of bed. and the weather made it worse. beautiful. 70 degrees. just asking me to go for my bi-weekly run.
stayed in my short term apt. all day. sitting in my own filth. watched tv for 6 hours. cried like a fat girl in a bathing suit contest. heard a bagpipe outside my window. looked out to find a funeral march. had to rally myself at 6 pm to do my play. a play about women....who die. which is actually really fun and a pleasure to do. the women i've met and the women whose story it's been based upon are a blessing. i know that i am blessed. but it doesn't make wakin up any easier....

pet the cat

hate the set up. canadian style? but i love this song. without the grateful dead chick in the background. please don't look at the video. just turn your eyes away....

Tuesday, May 27, 2008


was never really a fan. but when did she get so hot? and is there anything hotter than a womenz prison?

Wednesday, May 21, 2008


many of you know of my addiction to shoes. but i will never buy another pair again.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

tinkle talk

a new idea i have for a chat show.
a host in a women's bathroom stall hosts a chat show with women who are peeing. i think it is the last reality show left available. perfect for a.d.d.ers everywhere. conversations last only about 13 seconds. all the camera work will be done on the ladies feet. no faces shall be shown.
show me a million dollars BRAVO. or LIFETIME...

Monday, May 12, 2008

my home town.

got this from my cousin. note the amount of harley/hockey/hair bands and hot high school girl shots. and the requiem for a dream soundtrack. i have no idea who made this but i lurve it. it's like ken burns on speed. johnstown ROCKS! start plannin your next vacation bitches!

gloria grahame

here's a great article about one of the great unsung actresses of our time.
"oh, this old thing? Why, I only wear it when I don't care how I look..."

delayed reaction

hanging out with my cast over drinks and a baseball game on the tv. pouring rain outside, hear a sound that is either thunder or a really bad car accident. look out the window, can't really see anything because of tree cover, but can see cars veer around something. know in my heart it is an accident. get back from the window, pour another drink. one of my friends gets up from the sofa, takes his phone and goes to check out the scene to see if anyone needs help. i watch him leave. and i think, what happened to me? why am i not doing the same thing?
turns out, he was the first person on the scene to call 911. this was several minutes after accident. jaws of life are required. everyone ok. but what happened to me?

new favorite band.

saw these dudes in a weird gallery in the middle of an old mill area of baltimore. they are from providence. i think they are just old enough to have their drivers' permits. but they are good. real good.
especially Baltimore Blues No. 1. And Diamond Rings. give it a listen. you won't be disappointed.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

spargel time.

my favorite time of year!

Monday, April 28, 2008

my aunt alice

i've been working on a play for the last month, basically creating a character based on my aunt alice. alice was my grandfather's younger sister. she lived 2 houses up from us, and about six houses down from my grandparents. my middle name is hers.
alice had more piss and vinegar than any broad i had ever met. she was also a devout spinster. she grew up in a house full of irish boys, taught school to children of miners, had a sweetheart die in the war, drank beer in a can until her mid-80's and could shoot you a look that would stop you in your tracks. she scared the shit out of me. she also had the biggest heart of anyone i knew. generous to a fault. she and my grandmother talked every night on the phone. no matter how egregious alice had been to my grandmother that day, my grandmother always spoke to her in quiet, consoling tones. i could never understand their relationship. as i became an adult, i realized, alice needed to be loved. she wanted to stand on her own two feet, live in her own house, make her own rules. but at the end of the day, literally, she just wanted to feel loved.
used to hate my middle name. but feeling more and more like alice every day.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


for the first time ever i bought a six pack roll of toilet paper. it was such a huge commitment. but i am living now in a society where you actually put your groceries in your car.
totally new. weird. baby steps.

gene wilder

just watched an interview with gene wilder, interviewed by alec baldwin. rarely have i been so rapt by every word of an interviewee. such an amazing genius. humble, hilarious and sincere. a trained actor, who got his start by watching lee cobb in death of a salesman.
he told the story about his entrance in willy wonka. said, "i must have a limp and a cane. then it gets stuck. then i realize it's stuck, keep walking, then i do a summersalt and land perfectly. it will show the audience that they can't trust me. i won't do the film if i can't have that bit."
a truly amazing genius that we so rarely hear from anymore.
i have been an early fan of wilder's since the producers. watched it as a kid and actually had the 8 track that we would listen to as kids over and over again. knew the soundtrack before ever seeing the movie.
loved it as a child. loved it even more when in college i sat with my new boyfriend who had never seen it. when "my blanket!!!" scene started, and aforementioned boyfriend was hysterically snorting, i knew he was a keeper. at least for another year.
if you don't love gene wilder, you don't love me.
gotta go. now the producers is on.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

binge cooking.

i came home(?) from rehearsal today, after learning that an actor (i use that term loosely) was fired. it wasn't a surprise, yet it still left a bad taste in my mouth. so i went to the grocery store and bought 100 bucks worth of food.
made a lavish dinner of pork tenderloins, couscous with toasted almonds, sauteed brussel sprouts, and a mixed green salad with homemade blue cheese vinaigrette.
then i looked at it all and couldn't stomach it.
i had a luna bar.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

starz sighting

someone took the time to put the constellation in glow in the dark stars on the bedroom ceiling of my little short term housing apt.
i didn't see them until last night.
i thought that was nice. so i decided to add gum on the bottom of the coffee table. maybe the archipelago islands of the azores.

Monday, March 31, 2008

overheardinnewyork cont'd.

GUY #1: The Jehovah Witnesses say the world is ending and the good will inherit the earth... So then what? The less good people will be the bad people, and little things will seem worse?
GUY #2: I don't get it, these religions are inconsistent. Is Jesus taking the good people with him or do the good people inherit the earth? I hope he takes them with him.
GUY #1: I spoke with Jesus and he doesn't know what's going on: he just got the Xbox 360 and said he could care less.
GUY #2: He sounds like a good guy.

--Port Authority


From Jeffrey Eugenides' otherwise predictable "Great Experiment" in the new yorker this week.

"When Kendall was growing up, American politicians denied that the United States was an empire. But they weren’t doing that anymore. They’d given up. Everyone knew about the empire now. Everyone was pleased.

And in the streets of Chicago, as in the streets of L.A., New York, Houston, and Oakland, the message was making itself known. A few weeks back, Kendall had seen the movie “Patton” on TV. He’d been reminded that the general had been severely punished for slapping a soldier. Whereas now Rumsfeld ran free from responsibility for Abu Ghraib. Even the President, who’d lied about W.M.D., had been reëlected. In the streets, people took the point. Victory was what counted, power, muscularity, doublespeak if necessary. You saw it in the way people drove, in the way they cut you off, gave you the finger, cursed. Women and men alike, showing rage and toughness. Everyone knew what he wanted and how to get it. Everybody you met was nobody’s fool.

One’s country was like one’s self. The more you learned about it, the more you were ashamed of."

Friday, March 28, 2008


again, i am the oldest person i am working with.
it should not seem weird, but maybe when i preface all conversations with, "you probably would not remember this but..." i should just shut my old pie hole.
and the end.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

cable tv.

so, for the first time in along time i have "cable." i know this sounds kind of quaint and whimsical to some, with your tevo and dvr. i'm pretty sure i have over 80 channels. 80. again, it sounds so antiquated. but i am so bored by all of it that i made it thru all 80, and just pulled out the cable. cause i've forwarded my nexflix, got my hulu, got richard price's new book. and i think i'm done with tv.
although, i did watch rr prepare a dinner that i would eat. however, as i was watching, i kept thinking... who is the moron that can't think up boiling up some pasta and making a salad in 30 minutes? jesus, do you have opposable thumbs?

things i have learned about bal'more

1. don't get lost.
2. you can walk everywhere.
3. unless you're lost.
4. from your window, it sounds alot like brooklyn.
5. great crabs.
6. people like to sleep in your car.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008


just listen to the I Am Sam Soundtrack and call it a night. i think i threw up in my mouth a little bit after 28 minutes.


One of many in this sentient, powerful and beautiful speech:

"And this helps explain, perhaps, my relationship with Reverend Wright. As imperfect as he may be, he has been like family to me. He strengthened my faith, officiated my wedding, and baptized my children. Not once in my conversations with him have I heard him talk about any ethnic group in derogatory terms, or treat whites with whom he interacted with anything but courtesy and respect. He contains within him the contradictions – the good and the bad – of the community that he has served diligently for so many years.
I can no more disown him than I can disown the black community. I can no more disown him than I can my white grandmother – a woman who helped raise me, a woman who sacrificed again and again for me, a woman who loves me as much as she loves anything in this world, but a woman who once confessed her fear of black men who passed by her on the street, and who on more than one occasion has uttered racial or ethnic stereotypes that made me cringe.
These people are a part of me. And they are a part of America, this country that I love."

This reminded me of driving to sunday dinner, after picking up bread and the sunday paper with my irish american grandfather. i don't remember the context, but here is what he said:
"....he was sweating like a nigger going to an election." i think i was 10. i have never forgotten that quote. i knew it was wrong. he was a good man but he was wrong. but i still loved him. "these people are a part of me."


i googled myself. sad but true. what i found out was that there are several women who carry my name. and all of them, ALL of them, are more accomplished than me. this is what i've found out about "myself":
1. i am a famous engineer.
2. i am the first woman to run a bank.
3. i have a successful tv and recording career.
4. i am an award winning poet.
not bad. now if i could just write that ode to micro-loans for the women of Bamako, set it to song while working on my sustainable bio-dome, i would be awesome.

Monday, March 17, 2008


aside from this being one of my favorite words ever, it is also now one of my favorite movies. it was shot essentially without a script so most, if not all of the dialogue is improvised. the "actors" were given a basic outline for a given scene and it was shot, usually with only one take. this is not a hollywood film. it is a Belpre, OH film. it is cast entirely with nonprofessional actors from the area. there is something about these people that is infinitely interesting. they are all people we know. especially if you come from a small town.
there is nothing revolutionary about the story. in fact, it is secondary to what is going on in the faces of these people. it is quiet and simple and about as claustrophobic as a coffin.
i think i watched it 3 times in a row, including the director and actor commentaries.
let me make it clear, this is not for everybody. not alot happens. nothing gets blown up and there are no money shots. i'm not sure why i had such a visceral reaction. as i watched it the first time, i couldn't decide whether i hated it or loved it. as i said to my friend e, "it hurts my chest a little bit." but i was glad for the discomfort.


i can't stand watching a film or a tv show in which some actor starts to sing or play an instrument really well. it always feels so gratuitous and always takes me out of the story. i'm not talking about musicals (which i LOVE). i'm talking about minnie driver singing in the riches, or jeff goldblum playing the piano, or gregory hines being forced to tap dance in EVERYTHING he worked on, or any one of a dozen moments where actors have to show how multi-talented they are. my feeling is, you're acting, so you're already doing your job. concentrate on that. we don't care that you took music lessons. say your lines. tell the story. then sit down and shut up.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

this made me laugh out loud....on the subway.

i don't usually go for this but the game was kind of amazing. i got 13 out of 15 right. made me wonder about the other answers too...

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Sunday, March 9, 2008

pennsylvania...oh, pa. what am i gonna do with yinz.

i come from a small(ish)town in western pa. where jack murtha is a patriot and a saint and also fuel for fodder...
but i also grew up as a republican. my father was an elected state representative. then he ran for state auditor general. he was a delegate, as a moderate, for bush, the original. then Reagan Happened.
here is the deal. my cousin is the Head of the Republican state committee, my brother was the deputy secretary under Ridge and then became Secretary of the Legislature of Pennsylvania. it does not get any deeper.
then i found out another cousin (we got alot of them, we're irish) was running for my dad's seat in Pa. as a Democrat: Bryan Barbin (who now lives in my father's childhood-home). i immediately emailed him and sent money and a note about my party affiliation, and so did my roommate (thank you eben).
Bryan wrote us back: ".... if your dad switched places with me today, he would also be a democrat and would have gone through the same difficulties.... "
so i write to you my friends...please help my cousin win my father's a democrat...andtheend.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Sunday, March 2, 2008

cai guo-qiang

this was amazing. my friend chris sullivan and i went to the gugg show and not only did i want to start to blow shit up after, but i began to see the visual arts in a different way. i think i've written earlier in this blog about my lack of interest in anything other than photography, but this lifted my head to a new level. i will say that we both opted for the (free) audio sets which really enlightened me to the "pieces" (i hate that word, almost as much as "the space", but not sure what else to call them). and although i provided that link to "head-on" in the berlin show, it was nothing like walking up to it and watching it wind around you and to see the ultimate end, a half circle ahead. you saw it ahead of you, but then you walked under these "wolves" and their faces, and as you got closer, the energy to these sculptures became sooo intense. so, in this instance, "the space" TOTALLY the gugg usually does. mr. guo-giang's work was presented in a most exceptional way.
yes, there were political overtones, cultural overtones, socio-political, socio-aesthetic-eastern-western-divide overtones. but it was so visceral, and this was exceptional. i don't have the art history skills to explain why a certain work works for me, but this did. it was just a decayed, hollowed out boat, surrounded with broken white plates and broken ceramic idols. he found this wreckage in japan, washed up on the shore at low tide, and the community there helped him make this art piece. and this was a chinese, expatriate in japan. and don't the chinese and the japs not get along? (aka. nanking). cultural divides came together to make this happen. a ray of hope.
i was worried, meeting chris, cause i get a little cynical when i'm faced with ART. and i have not hung out with chris in a long time so i was afraid that i might come across as the art meanie...but it was nice not to have to walk around and talk to someone. we did our own thing and talked afterwards and it was wonderful to find out that we were both on the same page. even if we felt differently, we could talk about it...on our way to Payard.
don't judge me.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

oscar song

can't shake this song. was actually singing it to a 3 month old in la last week. (before the oscars). Her mother told me to shut my trap, cause it was my go-to song to shut the kid up. but at 4 am the baby seemed to like it. so here's to indie films!!!

and i liked that they sing it live.

Monday, February 25, 2008

swamp porn

ok, i don't have cable. i use a real live antennae on my tv. but sometimes if i get the right reception on channel six, there is an entire show/channel devoted to swamp shots and close ups on snakes scored by a really bad nyc radio station. no talking. just shots of swamps and snakes. and their prey. and lisa lisa and cult jam.

april come she will

was never a huge fan of S&G, but after all the hullabaloo lately re the graduate, i went back and re-listened to this tune and i think it might be (one of) the most perfect songs ever.

it's also nice to see sean lennon working.


what about charles frickin nelson reilly????

o-scar(e)s cont'd.

another glaring omission, ie renfro:

Blogger Ali Arikan said... By the way, Ulrich Mühe was also not included in the In Memoriam section. I mean the film to which his performance was central only won best foreign film last year..

aka: The Lives of Others. awesome.

o-scar(e)s cont'd.

i agree with mr. Haskin
whoever he is.
Blogger Steve Haskin said...

Three favorite reactions of the night:

1) Cate Blanchett looking genuinely surprised and delighted for Marion Cotillard's win.

2) Frances McDormand just pretty much not being able to contain her joy at the Coens winning director(s) and picture.

3) Laura Linney as basically the default reaction shot to everyone, just because she always looks so empathetic and kind. She's like Oscar's mom or something. :)

andtheend says: I also thought Frances was the most beautiful woman in the room. and i like having fun with text colors.


my favorite part of the show. wasn't a huge fan of the movie, liked the song, but loved her being allowed to come back. and she's 19, yo.
(ps. also loved the czech/irish accent. planning on working on it.)


Saturday, February 23, 2008

the riches

been trying to catch the first season of the "the riches" on cause it's free.
however, after the pilot, i just watch about every two seconds, followed by a seven second pause. apparently i don't have the right bandwidth or something, whatever that means. it is a real shame because although i lerve eddie izzard, it catches him at his worst attempts at an american accent. the dude is an awesome stand-up comedian/actor/heterosexual-transgender-dresser and is funny as shit. but can i believe he's an appalachian gypsy? ummm, no. are there really any appalachian gypsies left? did they ever exist? can we just call them "southern homeless people"?
believe me, i know gypsies. i've had to punch those little fuckers in rome, just to stop them from stealing my espresso. but come on, just write a show about a poor family who steal and who once lived in a winnebago.
anyway, the dude is funny, but unless he's got velvet on or a really bad "who'-icure" on his nails, i just don't buy it.

new moniker?

thinking of changing my alter ego name to "Dusty McCarbunkle". has a certain ring to it, and it kinda fits into how i'm feeling these days. i've already come up with a back story that includes nautical themed bars, 1972, faux wood paneling and chablis.
still working on it tho.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

overheardinnewyork cont'd.

30-ish black woman: She can tell me what book to buy... She can recommend a good bra... But Oprah telling me who to vote for? I don't think so!

--42nd & 8th

NYT the new Perez?

was it just me, or did it seem the mccain article reeked of InTouch? unsubstantiated rumors from "sources close to" the senator, conjecture, and innuendo ruled the piece. where was the "what's he hiding... a baby bump?!" it just seemed like shoddy reporting.
i don't care if john tapped that hot lobbyist. hell, he tapped his second wife while on number one. and as far as politcal ethics (an oxymoron?) go, relationships with lobbyists are not illegal and not all of them are unethical. so, they shared a few meals, a few private jet rides, a few sky-high-clubs. who cares. was it bad judgment? sure. but this clearly smells of a smear job just to bring up the Keating 5. and dude, i'm not even voting for him.
the thing that worried me most was it would cast a bad shadow on my man Obama. clearly not on his ethics, but i kept thinking about the middle grounders who might see this as some democrat conspiracy. conservatives are gonna have a field day.
i just hope NYT has something in it's back pocket that their holdin' on to to sell more papers in the next few days. i guess readership is down.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

no we can't

if you are one of the 2 people left who haven't seen the we can video, watch that first. then check this out.


my computer won't allow me to link. so cut and paste wire suckers.

oh and ps. for the road fans, check out the last line of the interview


why do campaigners always use this word? does anyone in real life EVER use this word. does anyone ever refer to themselves as "folks?" it sounds condescending and patronizing. and this is worse: "regular folks." as opposed to "irregular folks?"
you can't even use the word "folk" music anymore without everyone in the room thinking you are a douche.
so, a moratorium on "folks." and the end.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008


just got back from LA and from helping a friend out with her cancer and her 3 month old. was joined by two other great friends who felt it was important to fly from New York City at the crack of ass to sit around, crack jokes about cancer and pass a baby around for a few days. although i am exhausted (not used to staying up all night with babies, y'all) i feel pretty good. i also feel incredibly blessed (much like theknowall) to be surrounded by such amazing women (and a few dudes) in my life. although not related by blood, this "family" is one of the most important things in my world. when i'm at the end of the road i will look back at my life and relationships and see that i have been very lucky.
of course, by then i'll be in a wet cardboard box under the bqe eating catfood out of a can and i'll probably smell like pee.

Monday, February 11, 2008

loose change

things i hope the new administration can change:
1. please cancel antiques roadshow
2. gum on the street
3. sex and the city spinoffs.
4. A market economy in a state of high instability. The challenge for policymakers is to minimize this instability without reducing the ability of the economic system to raise living standards through the increasing productivity, efficiency, and employment that it generates. Experience has shown that a country with the strongest growth and employment rates, and the least economic instability, follow sound macroeconomic (fiscal, monetary, and exchange rate) policies.
5. kanye west thinking his grief should grant him a grammy.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

excitement in the air

i don't know about everyone else, but voting today was extremely exciting. no matter what happens, history is in the making.
the following is one of the reasons i think we are on the right track. even tho it's supposed to be a conservative condemnation on a conservative, it sounds like an ad for mccain. hell, i've even thought about voting john. tho i didn't. i just like the line about "foul and obscene language." the senator may be a total crazazy, but i believe he's a good man. not as good as obama though.

James Dobson, Focus on the Family president on John McCain:

"I'm deeply disappointed the Republican Party seems poised to select a nominee who did not support a Constitutional amendment to protect the institution of marriage, who voted for embryonic stem cell research to kill nascent human beings, who opposed tax cuts that ended the marriage penalty, and who has little regard for freedom of speech, who organized the Gang of 14 to preserve filibusters, and has a legendary temper and often uses foul and obscene language.

"I am convinced Sen. McCain is not a conservative, and in fact, has gone out of his way to stick his thumb in the eyes of those who are. He has at times sounded more like a member of the other party. McCain actually considered leaving the GOP in 2001, and approached John Kerry about being Kerry's running mate in 2004. McCain also said publicly that Hillary Clinton would make a good president. Given these and many other concerns, a spoonful of sugar does not make the medicine go down. I cannot, and I will not vote for Sen. John McCain, as a matter of conscience."

Monday, February 4, 2008


i had a dream about my wedding. but it came too fast and without warning. and i was strapped with it. i had to be everything to everybody. and i forgot who my betrothed was. but what was worse, i forgot to invite my best friend. the one who had to be there. the one. and i could not go thru with it. the way i can't even commit to a 4 pack of toilet paper.
maybe i should get a costco card.
baby steps....


" the fiddler off til i come back again.
and it's time, time, time.
it's time, time, time.
and it's time, time, time that you love
and it's time, time, time."
tom waits.

things that are ubiquitous

1. health care plans
2. emmylou harris singing back-up
3. bad construction in williamsburg
4. feeling sorry for yourself
5. the words, "i 'm just too crazed right now."

Saturday, February 2, 2008


what i'll be watching this sunday. watch the video. it's awesome.

Friday, February 1, 2008

another bellow bombshell

"America is a didactic country whose people always offer their personal experiences as a helpful lesson to the rest, hoping to hearten them and to do them good-an intensive sort of personal public-relations project. There are times when I see this as idealism. There are other times when it looks to me like pure delirium. With everyone sold on the good how does all the evil get done?"

on beauty

" "Isn't that beautiful out there!" I looked out, and she was right. Beautiful was indeed there. But I had seen Beautiful many times, and so I closed my eyes. I rejected the plastered idols of the Appearances. These idols I had been trained, along with everybody else, to see, and I was tired of their tyranny."
Saul Bellow, Humboldt's Gift.

this reminded me of a time my friend g and were driving somewhere in the midst of a beautiful autumn day, the colors sparkling all around us as if life was aflame. i said, "isn't that beautiful?" and she said, "yeah, it would make a great jigsaw puzzle."

Thursday, January 31, 2008

passing judgment

i have not seen "the diving bell"...yet, and i have a feeling i will enjoy it but, dude, julian schnabel seems like such a DOUCHE. lose the pajamas. hugh already did it... with aplomb. schnabel looks like some scary drunken uncle who sits on your parents couch and eats beans from a can.
he's so self-congratulatory that he doesn't have enough hands to pat himself on the back. it's hard to watch an "artist" who is such a star-fucker. if i had to sit next to this guy at a dinner party i would cut both of my ears off with a butter knife before the second course.
and his art (other than his films) sucks.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

jesus camp

I've been having a hard time shaking this movie, jesus camp. for the first half hour i sat back, smug as a cocktail party know-it-all. it's so easy to judge these people: overweight moms wearing jorts, lady pastors preaching against harry potter and his warlocks, saying prayers to protect powerpoint presentations "in jesus' name." but as this film went on i started falling in love with these kids. it is so shocking to see children caring about anything these days, let alone be moved, really moved. clearly the level of manipulation is freakishly cultish, and i had jim jones flashbacks, but these are good and smart kids who want nothing more than to spread the teachings of christ which, of course, they don't understand. it brought back memories of "right to life" posters i made in grade school and how taken i was with the movement as a 10 year old.
it is the parents that are the real horrors. one home-schooling session involved the merits of creationism and why global warming is a hoax...out of an actual textbook. and talk about smug. the level of self-righteousness is blinding.
i am continually amazed by the intractability of people- conservatives, liberals, evangelicals, atheists, you name it. i've seen brilliantly worded arguments fall on deaf ears so many times, people who simply talk over each other. i suppose that's why i've stopped watching sunday news shows. it's just so fucking depressing.
by the end of this movie i was truly sad, terrified and moved at the same time.
here is the bump:
young rachel: "it's like we're being trained as warriors, but more fun."

oh the horror.

this is kind of amazing and totally gross. leave it to the germans.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

this makes me happy

i still don't know how to add video, so you have to copy and paste i guess.

Friday, January 25, 2008

eastern promises (the review)

a list of the hottest people in order of their hotness:
1. armin mueller-stahl. (because no matter what film or ethnicity he engages in, he will be the hottest).
2. the 1st guy that gets his throat slashed.
3. the girl who dies.
4. everyone after that.
i'm sorry, but i wanted to totally lerve this film. i have had a crush on viggo since a walk on the moon. i've listened to viggo and cronenberg on terry gross. i've read the gleaming reviews, and then ordered it on the netflix.
so, i must say, not so much. there is no real reveal at the end. everything is prescription-movie-by-the-book. and to be honest, for cronenberg, i was expecting a little more blood.
and ps. that russian bath scene, not enough cock shots to make it even worth an R rating.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

the proposition quote

" i'm on the job now and what is an irishman, but a nigger turned inside out."

the proposition

any film written by nick cave deserves my attention.
AMAZING. other than no country for old men it was the best film i've seen all year. like a robert alltman film for any slow, so's crazy. like a nick cave song, but much, much, longer. sad and hilarious and morbidly dark..!
you would be doing y' all a dis-favor if you don't see this film.

american idyll

the worst that america has to offer. if ever radical islam has an argument, this is it. i'm so glad that i'm not abroad. i would be embarrassed and say i was canadian.
the secret to finding the next american idol is in the pre-show video clip. it is a computer generated asexual being that would be blown away if it showed its face on halo.

the american stage

being semi-retired, i rarely see theatre these days unless it's free. it's a shame because for the first time in a very long while there really are alot of plays i want to see. i think in the last month i've seen two productions. of the two, sybil kempson's crime or emergency was a stand-out (it was also free). if you ever have a chance to see ms. kempson's work you should. it was like watching an off-meds, bi-polar judy garland show channeling bruce springsteen thru a one person buzby berkley musical greek tragedy, with more wit and energy than you can shake a stick at. and she's totally hot.
but now the not-so-hot. i went to see crimes of the heart last night at the roundabout, directed by kathleen turner. maybe because i've done the play it was hard for me to judge objectively. but it was just dreary. the performances were lackluster and no one was listening to each other. i couldn't tell what story they were trying to tell. it just felt limp and bloated, much like the directrix who was seated in front of us.
now this was a preview performance, and directors are supposed to watch and take the BACK of the house, so no one can see them and so they don't draw attention from audience members. sister brought her roundhouse right up to the front, getting up and down during the performance. it was like, "where's my close-up?"
i have to say tho, she was more entertaining.

things i'm too old to do

1. wear pigtails.
2. understand or care what facebook is.
3. care what happens to britney y'all.
4. have a blog.
5. rock blue eyeshadow.
6. drink hooch and wake up fresh the next morning.
7. not care about my credit report.
8. eat mcdonald's two days in a row.
9. meet friends past 10 pm....actually 9:30.
10. not own slippers.
but i still love hello kitty!



Lady on cell
: The outfit that I really want only works with beer bottles.

--Duane Reade, 111th & Broadway

Monday, January 21, 2008

david hare on joan didion

"one of her extraordinary qualities is the glacially perfect prose which contains fantastic feeling underneath a formal surface."
the story of my and her life.

moneyquote 2

"It's strange how the simple things in life go on while we become more difficult."
again, Richard Brautigan.


"i think we have the power to transform our lives into brand-new instantaneous rituals that we calmly act out when something hard comes up that we must do.
we become like theaters."
richard brautigan.


a great word:
the capability of changing one's sex. (i.e. oysters)


this word "change" has been bandied about so much over this election season that it has really been starting to get to me. i suppose because i'm looking to make "change" too. not for a buck but that would be nice too.
i've always been such a proponent of doing things new, to take advantage of whatever comes ones way, to make choices that propel change. i used to think that to be complacent was the lowest form of lazyness. complacency is what happens when you wait to die.
but recently, well to be honest, for the last 8 months, that is exactly what i've been doing. waiting. waiting for "something" to change, taking half-assed attempts at creating a new life. and each day i wake up and think, "this is the first day of my life"(as the song goes) and nothing ever happens. i used to wake up and think, "well, things can't be worse today than they were yesterday. please let something good happen. for once." luckily, those days have passed.
i had a shrink tell me once that there is no such thing as lazyness, that lazyness takes just as much energy, if not more, than action. it's just that it is black energy and it eats away our power to do anything positive or challenging.
i'd like to change that.

banksy via wien

perhaps the whole banksy thing is over but i saw this on a corner in vienna last spring. i don't know what the translation is or if it's just a banksy knockoff but grafitti is really the only visual arts i enjoy anymore. i especially enjoy subway "photo-editing" of current tv, movie and radio morning show program ads. that and photography. i could look at william eggleston photos 24/7.

Sunday, January 20, 2008


as any addicted fan of the wire will tell you, this is the best show on television. i'm even considering doing a new play because it's being produced in baltimore.

i don't have cable. i don't have tivo. i've got a cheap subscription to netflix that fulfills all my needs. it has fulfilled my deadwood needs, my rome needs, my big love needs and my the wire needs. but today i went to walk my goddog and goddamn if i didn't sit at retotted's for three hours and watch the first three episodes of season 5 on in demand. i would now give up what is left of my ovaries to have in demand.

Thursday, January 17, 2008


went to price a job in schwanky larchmont for an organization business my friend and i have been trying to get off the ground (for over a year now). it's something i'm good at and it's design plus i get to use my ocd for monetary gain... got there, and after i was practically mauled by the golden retriever, i entered the lovely, gated home.
yeah, well, i'm alive to tell you that even in westchester, people live like hermetic pig farmers. i'm talking about a relatively new, multimillion dollar home that looked like, on the inside, something out of grey gardens. but without the cats. or the wit. or the style. and for that matter, the bouviers. long may they reign.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

first day of my life

i love this video and this song. i don't care who knows it.

juno. et al.

so, after much media hype i went to see this film. of course, it was my second choice, after seeing Atonement (which i will go into later). and being a tuesday, and after an audition for a play that i don't want to do, and after a film (Atonement) that i was not that grand on seeing, i went. cause i knew the time, i snuck in (aka a double feature). i Love 42nd street e-(see as many movies as you want, cause no one cares)walk.
i'm sorry. but ellen page, is just annoying. i saw her in that pedophilia movie, hard candy, and she was annoying, but i gave it up to her being a psycho-killer. in this she just tries to be precious. and when you're talking about teen pregnancy, or any unwanted pregnancy, preciousness is not the go to. it just fucking sucks. and black humor is the only way to go. but i found her unbearable. at one point she referenced soopy sayles. and forgive me if i spell his name wrong, but nobody, and i mean NOBODY, knows who soopy is under 30. that is a reference best left dead. HELLO the LIAR's CLUB? the dude had a page boy haircut, and his only lasting influence on me was never do a gameshow with paneling and "know how to lie and be funny about it." words to live by, but no one under 30, or really, under 35, would know that. let' s be honest.
and the only thing i could think of while watching this precious movie was, when will cat power sing a song? and sure enough shit, she did. when did chan become such a shill? hello commercials.
and by the way, any one who loved mcewen's ability to subvert the novel, and take you back and forth between fiction and FICTION and actually keep you guessing....don't even bother seeing this heavy-handed, dr. zhivago ridden crap. it's like a badly written pbs evelyn waugh saga. read Amsterdam and do yourself a favor.